Don't OD...Why?

Am going to OD... Why is everone yelling at me for wanting to OD

Why the hell would you want to OD? thats dangerous

No one would care anyways. I only mess shit up....
....

It's my fault I mess everything up.

That's why I keep hurting her
That's why my real dad left my mom
That's why....

Why can't I just take this handful of pills?
Why won't you just let me do that!
Why should I live any longer?!

I only hurt the ones I love!
I only mess up!
I only upset everyone

SO why? Why can't I just take this handful of pills and go to bed and never wake up aging?